24.2.05

In Writing Hell; kindred souls, please consider this an SOS...

Not that good writing (for me that means clarity and an intelligible as well as an intelligent argument) as an exercise is effortless for anyone I know or have come across but no-one ever told me that writing when you're still in the earlier stages of being ABD would be this torturous and intimidating.

I wanted to send this paper to my discussant last week since the panel is scheduled for March 2 (it's already the 24th of Feb!) but have continued working on it because I didn't want to turn in something dull and uninspired. The problem: I'm still in field research mode and to switch gears from that into "i have analytical capabilities" seems extremely overwhelming, if not impossible.

I've definitely made progress in that forcing myself to write this is helping me find and articulate my own voice in this mammoth thing called "my dissertation". However, it's also a reminder that I have such a long way to go in terms of being able to make intelligent arguments that I'd like to and would be proud enough to call "mine" and that the perfectionist in me would be relatively satisfied with (of course it still probably wouldn't be finished since these things end when you end them, not because you've learnt everything there might be to know and that you have it all figured out). That isn't such a bad thing except the desire to make a good impression on people whom I respect tremendously seems to be getting in the way of me remembering the whole "in-process" part. My present state of mind, as well as the paper, is akin to having a song stuck in your head but not being able to hum it out for another individual so that you can start figuring things out.

On the bright side: I still have the passion going so that's gotta come in handy...no?

But enough procrastination; back to work. Advice, suggestions, and encouragement are all very welcome!!!!

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